four of the most common stressors on social media
1. the Highlight Reel.
Just like in sports, the highlight reel is a collection of the best and brightest moments. Social media is our personal highlight reel. It’s where we put up our wins, or when we look great, or when we are out with friends and family. But we struggle with insecurity because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reels. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others.
Yes, this was happening before social media, with TV and celebrity, but now it’s happening all the time, and it’s directly linked to you. A perfect example I came across in preparation for this talk is my friend on vacation: ‘brb, nap’. ‘Wait, why can’t I afford a vacation? Why am I just sitting here in my PJ’s watching Netflix? I want to be on a beach.’
Here’s the thing, I know her very well. I knew this was out of the ordinary for her. I knew she was typically drowning in schoolwork. But we think, ‘Who wants to see that?’ The highlights are what people want to see. In fact, when your highlights do well, you encounter the second stressor on social media.
2. Social Currency.
Just like the dollar, a currency is literally something we use to attribute value to a good or service. In social media, these likes, the comments, the shares have become this form of social currency by which we attribute value to something. In marketing, we call it the ‘Economy of Attention’. Everything is competing for your attention, and when you give something a like or a piece of that finite attention, it becomes a recorded transaction attributing value.
Which is great if you are selling albums or clothing. The problem is that in our social media, [WE are the product] We are letting others attribute value to us. You know someone or are someone that has taken down a photo because it didn’t take as many likes as you thought it would. I’ll admit, I’ve been right there with you.
We took our product off the shelf because it wasn’t selling fast enough. This is changing our sense of identity. We are tying up our self-worth of what others think about us and then we are quantifying it for everyone to see. And we are obsessed. We have to get that selfie just right, and we will take 300 photos to make sure.
Then we will wait for the perfect time to post. We are so obsessed we have biological responses when we can’t participate.
3. FOMO
It’s a light phrase we’ve all thrown around FOMO, or the ‘fear of missing out’, is an actual social anxiety from the fear that you are missing a potential connection, event, or opportunity. A collection of Canadian Universities found that 7/10 students said they would get rid of their social networking accounts if it were not for fear of being left ‘out of the loop’. Out of curiosity, how many people here have, or have considered deactivating your social.
That’s almost everyone. That FOMO you feel, the highlight reels, the social currency, those are all results of a relatively ‘normal’ social media experience. But what if going on social every day was a terrifying experience? Where you not just question your self-worth but you question your safety?
4. Online Harassment
40% of online adults have experienced online harassment. 73% have witnessed it. The unfortunate reality is that it is much worse and much more likely if you are a woman, LGBTQ, a person of color, muslim – I think you get the point.
The problem is that in the news we are seeing these big stories: The 18-year-old Tyler Clementi, who took his life after his roommate secretly filmed him kissing another guy and outed him on Twitter. We see women like Anita Sarkeesian being close to shamed of the internet and sent death and rape threats for sharing their feminism.
We see these stories once it is too late. What about the everyday online harassment? What about that ugly snapchat you sent your friend with the intention of it being private, and now it is up on Facebook? ‘And so? It’s just one photo, it’s funny’ ‘Just one mean comment, not a big deal.’
But when these micro moments happen over and over again, over time, that’s when we have a macro problem. We have to recognize these everyday instances as well. Because if they go unchecked and the effects unnoticed, we are going to have many more Tyler Clementis. The effects are not always easy to recognize.
How to solve this problem
Recognizing a problem is the first step to fixing it. So hearing this talk is just that, step one: recognize the problem. You know the power of suggestion, when someone tells you about something and you start seeing it everywhere.
That’s why awareness is critical. Because now you will at least be better able to recognize these effects if and when they happen to you.
The second thing you are going to do is audit your social media diet. The same way we monitor what goes into our mouth, monitor whatever goes into your head and heart. Ask yourself: ‘Did that Facebook scroll make me feel better or worse off?’ ‘How many times do I actually check likes?’ ‘Why am I responding this way to that photo?’ Then ask yourself if you are happy with the results.
You might be and that’s OK! But if you’re not, move on to step three. Create a better online experience. After my partner did his audit, he realized his self-worth was too tied up in social media, but particularly celebrities reminding him of the things he didn’t have. So he unfollowed all brands and all celebrities. That worked for him.
But it might not be celebrities for you. For me, I had to purge other people off my timeline. Let me tell you a secret. You do not have to follow your ‘friends’. The truth is that sometimes our friends, or the people we have on Facebook as a courtesy, they just suck online! You find yourself in this passive-aggressive status war you didn’t even know was happening.
Or you are looking at 50 photos of the same concert from the same angle. If you want to follow artists, or comedians, or cats, you can do that.
The last thing you will do is model good behavior. Offline we are taught not to bully other kids in the playground. We are taught to respect others and treat them how they deserve.
We are taught not to kick others when they are down, or take pleasure in their downfalls. Social media is a tool. A tool that can be used for good, for more positive groups, for revolutions, for putting grumpy cat in Disney movies. Internet is a weird place.
Is social media hurting your mental health? The answer is: it doesn’t have to. Social can tear you down, yes, or it can lift you up, where you leave feeling better off, or have an actual laugh-out-loud.
Finally, I have 24 hours in a day, if I spend two of those hours on social media, then I want my experiences to be full of inspiration, laughs, motivation, and a whole lot of grumpy cat in Disney movies.