This TedTalk by Robert Waldinger describes a study that began in 1938 and followed the lives of 724 men from their adolescence to their death (60% of them were still alive and participating in the study when the talk is given).
The Harvard Study of Adult Development is one of the longest studies of adult life which follows two groups of men:
- men who were sophomores at Harvard
- boys in the lower socioeconomic group/disadvantaged families in Boston’s poorest neighborhood.
Each participant was medically examined, interviewed in their homes and had their families also interviewed. Every two years, the participants would answer another set of questions about their life (work, home, health…), complete a face-to-face interview, and a multitude of other data submissions.
The main conclusion of this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
This study found that the impact of relationships on our happiness and health is broken down into 3 main lessons:
- Social connections are really good for us: The more social connections one has, the happier, healthier, and longer that individual will live. These connections can be with family, friends, or community.
- The quality of relationships is greater than the quantity: Having poor or conflict-ridden relationships significantly impacts physical health and mental well-being (e.g. High-conflict marriage without much affection). The people who are most satisfied with their relationships at the age of 50 are the healthiest when they are 80.
- Quality relationships protect our bodies and our brains: This study found that individuals who were in a securely attached relationship in their 80s maintained sharper memorieslonger than those who were not in a relationship. Our relationships, protect our brain and maintain our brain’s cognitive functioning.
People ignored these points because managing relationship is a messy and complex work. It’s lifelong and the possibilities are practical endless. Young adults tend to believe that fame, wealth and high achievements are what they need to go after to have a good life. However, as the study has shown, the people who fared best are the people who leaned into relationships with families, with friends, with community.
We can’t predict what will it be like if we lean into relationships for now. But we can live up the relationships by doing something new together, like long walks and date nights, or even reaching out to that family member who you haven’t spoken to in years, because those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on people who hold the grudges.